Journal #31

One passion that comes to mind when I think of the intrinsic rewards is reading. I love to read and for me it's a way to get away from the real world. It's a way for me to escape into anothers persons wolrd where their words give me strengh to and show me new things. I never liked reading until I read a certain book(Twilight). But my tastes have changed and the difficulty levels have changed also. It has come to the point where my punishments from my parents would to take my books away.HAHAHA. I think I'm a silent dork that likes to read when nothing else seems promising or just for the fun of it. I think because of my passion of reading I developed a passion of writing. I might like to write a book, work for a magazine, or become a journalist. I want to stretch by reading more difficult things on subjects that are informational and contraversial to broaden my knowledge and develope my own ideas of things. I hope to be a powerful writer where what I write can move people in one way or another, the way some writers moved me to tears,anger, or a deep sense of other feelings.

Communication: Her Proud Daughter

When I hear people say "communication is key to many a success in relationships in general," I can't help but feeling like a disbeliever, even pessimistic about it. I find myself saying in my head, "man what a whole bunch of self-righteous, optimistic, moralist people these are." They really believe that it's so simple that communication can mend a broken heart, or put back a broken relationship with friends or families? I mean it's just so easy to just not say anything at all. Its just like in World War II when the allies appeased everything that Hitler did to avoid conflict again. Wouldn't it be easier to turn your head from the wrong doings of others to spare the hurt all around? But we learn from our mistakes right? If we hold ourselves inwardly and let the "Hitler's" of our life step all over us, then we are turning to our own personal world war. And who know who will win that battle.

I'm a girl and of course it's in my nature to have the urge to talk to just hear myself or just the need to be heard. It's a lonely world when you can't share your joys and sadness with someone. But it's so hard to communicate with the two people who, by nature we try to hide everything for fear of disappointment or punishment. What teen openly goes to their mother to discuss the troubles of teenage crisis's? Personally, I fear ridicule and judgment.

But most would crave to have just a fraction of what my mother and I share. I can go to my mother and talk of these teenage "crisis's" that seemed to crush my whole world. But I open up willingly only to blow up at her because of her judgmental and blunt demeanor. My mother is not one to hold her tongue and say what you want to hear. I hear the wisdom in her words but it's said so candidly that I automatically put back up my walls. It's hard to accept the things that you try to block out that are pointed out to you from someone on the outside. It's a constant battle to be heard and to truly hear. But so much good has come out of our open communication that I can't help but being a true believer.

So I find myself openly sharing my troubles more and more as the years go by. My mother and I have not only the relationship of mother and daughter, but as friends too. It has helped build the trust and undying love for each other. I believe that if my mother never raised me the way she did, with all our healthy beefs, the open talk of friends, but the discipline of a mother, I would be far worse off. She is a proud mother, and I, her proud daughter. I believe in the powers of communication and crave for that openness in my future relations.

Poem Graphic