Amber in Wonderland
In the silent nights
my dreams overwhelm the tossless slumber
while Mock turtles, Scared Bunnies, and a Mad Hatter
run amok in the mist between reality and dreams
while you try to decifer the difference
Sometimes waking to confusion
or happiness
or fear
or sadness
but having no sorrow
while all I can remeber is the turtle and his story
about his dilemmas and how we both,
can't seem to find who we were
and why we are who we are.
No longer able to control
wanting to let curiosity and a guiltless tounge loose.
Standing in the room
with the many locked doors
wanting to drink from the bottle or eat the cake too
To gain what I long for more than anything.
Because of curiosity
and a longing to be able to speak.
Speak to right the wrongs
Speak to defend myself
Speak to tell how I really feel
Refusing to hold my tounge any longer
To see me as I truly am
In all my glory.
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AMBERRRRR,
ReplyDeleteI loved how you compared yourself to Alice in wonderland (: It's super cute! Ok, let me start off by saying that your word choice fit your poem, & yourself. There was a lot of YOUR own voice in here, & I liked that the most. One suggestion is to make it more clear. I didn't quite understand or see the "allusive" in the poem. Maybe you should put a little bit of the story in your poem to help understand it better. Other than that, you did great! (:
<3 Michelle
Hey Amber,
ReplyDeleteSo, I'm not sure if I understood this correctly, but is your poem about maybe being trapped or held back from something? haha, i might be wrong, but thats kind of what I'm seeing..anyways, I agree with Michelle, you have good word choice, using descriptive words, kind of like showing the story instead of just telling it. Your voice is also good. Although I can kind of understand your allusion, I'm still a bit confused. Maybe if you make it a bit clearer, by putting your experiences that maybe connect to your allusion. Other than that thing, I think you did good! Good luck on your final(:
Destrie
Hi Amber,
ReplyDeleteThat was a neat choice for your allusion. And, this time, I disagree with your teammates. Although they may not be familiar with the Lewis Carroll story, you have provided quite a few particulars.
You might add a few more specifics about your own life (for example, what you want to speak out about).
Don't forget the graphic...that should be a good opportunity for strengthening the comparision in your allusion :)
mrs s